Transformers Shorts
by Hemlock Dalise
Summary: Thought I'd dump these on here, since they've been online ages. A series of shorts in the Transformers 2007 movieverse. May be updated randomly.
1. Obligatory Song Meme

_**Queen – Jealousy**_

Ratchet passed the broken body to Optimus, "There was nothing I could do, I'm sorry."

"Jazz…"

He was not left for the government to drop in to the Marianas Trench. Measures did not need to be taken to prevent his retrieval. A room in the new base was set aside and the two pieces set out in as much of a semblance of the living Jazz as could be done with two halves. The heat of the explosion had effectively welded the network of severed energon and coolant lines closed and, unbeknownst to anyone, the faint flickering of a spark carried on, buried deep in the chest, sheltered and safe behind a piece of the shattered spark casing.

***

The new arrivals were in bad shape, and it befell Bumblebee to take the necessary part from Jazz, as was the custom on Cybertron: reusing the discarded shells of dead, leaving a memorial in their place. The piece was close to the centre of the chest, and as he moved the plating away to get to it he saw a glimmer…

"RATCHET!"

_Inspired by the lyric "Oh.. How.. Wrong can you be…"_

**AN: Anyone else royally annoyed that they couldn't get their facts straight in the movie? The Laurentian Abyss is not the deepest place on Earth, the Marianas Trench is.**

_**Kaiser Chiefs - Highroyds**_

Sunstreaker nodded silently.

Sideswipe gave him the thumbs up.

They mentally counted down,

Three…

Two…

One…

They jumped.

As Ironhide came through the door to the firing range, several things happened.

First, his foot broke a laser beam, triggering a barrage of paint bombs, which he dodged. This was anticipated by the twins, and at the moment when he was off balance they tackled him, Sunstreaker pinning one arm while Sideswipe held his head in just such a way to prevent him from getting out of it. Sunstreaker tinkered for a minute, then proudly held up his trophy, the small maker's insignia from the inside of Ironhide's cannon armour. He made to leave, but a growl from Ironhide stopped him in his tracks. Sideswipe looked up worriedly, knowing full well that letting go to get away would also let Ironhide go.

_Inspired by the lyric "Once I had a boxing champ in a headlock, when he gets out I'll regret it…"_

**AN: The scenario for this is that the twins have made a bet with one of the others that they can't get something from each of the autobots, without asking for it or buying it. The items chosen each autobot has two of, for instance Ironhide's cannons each have the little mark in them, and the first to get all of the objects has won. The twins refuse to say what the stakes are, or what they plan to do with the trophies.**

_**Steve Winwood – Second-Hand Woman**_

Dewbot had hit it off with Jazz as soon as they met. The tiny (compared to the other autobots) machine had been living in secret in the base, afraid of what the autobots, that she had first seen fighting to the death with others, would do if they found her. Jazz had finally caught her though, outside his quarters and listening with half-shuttered optics to his music. When she had turned to run he had caught her hand, sat her down and handed her a cube of energon. They were found hours later by the others, worried that something had happened to Jazz since he hadn't arrived for his shift, dancing and arguing over their music tastes.

**AN: Dewbot needs more love! There isn't enough Dewbot about.**

_**Paul Simon – Call Me Al**_

It had, on reflection, been a bad idea to introduce the concept of a dance-off to the autobots.

Jazz and Dewbot were trouncing the competition with a flawless rendition of 5-6-7-8, until Ratchet and Bumblebee, Ratchet wondering how he had been roped into this, pulled off the electric slide. The humans, of course, were in hysterics, all except Sarah and Will who were trying to convince Ironhide to join them with Thriller.

The dance off eventually just ended up as a dance, everyone having fun and laughing along to cheesy disco tunes. Then the Macarena came on.

As one, all the humans ran to stop the tape and explain that the autobots were not allowed to do this dance within ten miles of any buildings.

**AN: I will love forever anyone who does a picture of this. **

**In fact, love to anyone who does a picture of any of them.**

_**Andrew Lloyd Webber – Variations 5 + 6**_

They'd picked the right place for the base.

The place was miles from anywhere, and although the salt in the air made rust a little more likely, some creative engineering from a newly landed Wheeljack kept everyone in working order. They were a mile in from the coast, in a valley with gently sloping sides that made harvesting solar energy a lot easier. Again thanks to Wheeljack, a holomatter covered the area, protecting it from prying eyes. Ratchet was just inside this holomatter, and as it was invisible from the inside he could see for miles from his spot at the top of one of the valley sides.

The sun was just rising, tinting the sky with pink and gold and illuminating the planet that was so full of life.

Yes, they had picked the right place.


	2. Say the Word

**Say the Word**

"-Jazz, you're with Mirage. Ratchet with Wheeljack, and Ironhide with me. Are we all clear on the mission?"

"Yeah boss!"

"Yes sir!"

"Yes Prime."

"Yessir."

"Aye Prime."

Optimus nodded, face mask closing over his face. "Then we leave immediately. Auto-"

A yellow blur at knee height barrelled into the room, ducking and dodging through the feet of various 'bots. It stopped next to Optimus's leg and Bumblebee, the darling of the Autobot forces, looked up with happily glowing blue optics at the leader after tapping on his shin. "C'n I say it?" he asked shyly.

Optimus's own optics glowed a little brighter for a second as the metal around them moved in the Cybertronian equivalent of a smile. "Of course."

Bumblebee lifted his arms "Up!"

Optimus picked him up and the youngling giggled with glee at the upward movement. He was settled on the Prime's shoulders behind his head, holding on to his finials, in an instant. The youngling lifted an arm to point at the door, proclaiming to the assembled 'bots "A'tobots! Roll Owt!"

--End--

So, there's a fic I'm looking for. The only thing I can remember, at all, about it is that there was a mech named "Precious" or something akin to it in it, who had rhinestones across his chestplate. Nothing else, not even whether I liked it or not. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

And since I'm here, has anyone posted a good meet-the-transformers-for-the-first-time fic lately?


	3. Size Differences

**Size Difference**

Ratchet was moping. Mission city had hit him hard, especially with Jazz's death, and now he was sitting on one of the oversized chairs made from haphazardly arranged scrap metal in the 'rec room' of their base (an old aircraft hangar) and moping.

Mikaela looked up from her laptop at the huff of air though intakes that made up a Cybertronian sigh and watched Ratchet for a minute before closing the lid and, with a popping of joints, clambering out of her beanbag. She sidled up to Ratchet's left shin and gave it the closest she could to a hug. He didn't notice. She left in a huff.

Two minutes later a confused Ironhide was following Mikaela into the room; she stopped and pointed imperiously at Ratchet whilst giving 'Hide her best 'do as I say' stare.

"Hug. Now."

Still nonplussed, Ironhide complied. This time Ratchet noticed and lifted his head from his hands, uncurling his legs as well (how did that chair support that anyway?) and leaning into the hug with another puff of warm air.

Mikaela nodded to herself and went back to her laptop, only to be interrupted by a prod from Bumblebee a couple of seconds later, who gave an inquisitive whirr and gestured to Ironhide and Ratchet as Ironhide let go.

"Hug therapy - works every time."

--End--

Read and review please!


	4. Penance

_**A.N. Look folks! An Update! Yeah, I'm sorry I update once in a blue moon. Have a bit of fun from Sunstreaker and Ratchet to tide you over until my most epic of stories can be posted (There are currently seven parts started with plots, but the first is not yet finished so I can't begin posting) **_

_**Without furter ado:**_

Penance

Sunstreaker wordlessly snarled at Ratchet as he finished the final touches to his new paintjob.

"Quit complaining, you earned the punishment fair and square." Ratchet groused back at the yellow Lamborghini, ruthlessly stifling the urge to laugh lest he be mauled.

Sunstreaker wilted, "Couldn't you have at least chosen a less garish shade of yellow? You could have just kept my lovely gold colour even! It would look so much better than this.. This.. Travesty! Did you mix in some of your emergency day-glow paint with it? Seriously?"

Ratchet grinned and wordlessly motioned Sunstreaker into the dryer. "This is the standard paint that the company you'll be working for uses. Live with it. You don't get so much as a touch up on any scratches for the entire punishment time too – that was the only can of paint we had in the right colour."

Sunstreaker gaped, horrified. "But Ratchet-!"

"You made your berth, Sunny, now lie on it."

"Don't call me Sunny."

Ratchet only smirked and ushered the yellow, black and white Lamborghini to the entrance of the Ark. "Remember your terms. Transport 500 humans, or work until the cab you ran off the road is fixed and you've earned enough to fully pay for the repairs. Whichever comes last. Every dissatisfied, traumatised or upset customer adds an extra three hours or 10 passengers to it."

"Yeah, I know." Sunstreaker growled, "I heard it all from Prowl." He folded up into his freshly painted alt form and sped off towards the nearest city, the humiliating sign lit up for all to see on his roof - spelling "TAXI" in glaring black and white.

_**A.N. Inspired by this: **__**.org/2010/11/24/funny-car-photos-cab-orghini-gets-you-where-you-need-to-go-fast/**_

_**Written in ten minutes because I got bitten hard by the taxi-lambo bunny.**_


End file.
